Forgive me father, for I am sick

I am sick and hating every minute of it, I feel like I have been run over by a truck my body aches and I have a fever. This is a vase improvement from the way I felt last week my body ached, touch made it worse and I was constantly having weird dreams.

One particular dream was about my insulin pump. I dreamt I was at a Diabetes Expo and there was a pump spa booth, I stopped at the booth for some TLC for pumcy. I thought it was the least I could do for such a hard working pump, the lady at the booth took pumcy through the pump spa routine and handed it over back to me. Although identical in every way, I could just tell that it was not pumcy, it did not feel like pumcy I started crying begging the lady to give me back my real pump. She tried consoling me while telling me that was my real pump, reasoning with me, “you were standing here the whole time watching me, that is your pump” But I knew it was not my beloved pumcy, basal rates and insulin to carb ratios were all the same but it still was not pumcy and I could not stop crying. I looked around to get someone to help but it did not look like an Expo anymore it was just the lady and I, I woke up anxiously reaching for my pump. Crazy huh!

I got up Saturday morning and went for a run; yes I did, while sick. Why? Because I needed to get out of the apartment and secondly walking would have taken too long and I just wanted to be back in bed as soon as possible. Lastly, I could hear my mom’s voice telling me “you need to get up and get some vigorous physical activity or you will never get better” These are words I heard growing up. Mom believes you are allowed a day or at most two days sick after which you need to get back to your normal level of activity this she use to tell me is the last piece of the healing process, it what your body needs to help the medication and nutrients kill what ills you. I am still not 100% and my body ache is now not intensifying by touch.

Typing this reminded me of the day my Mom explained her healing theory to me. I was in grade one, a month before my older brother and I had survived being caught in a cross fire of a violent coup d’état (mini civil war). Mom used the coup as an education moment each fraction representing either medication, nutrition or exercise together bring an outcome. The violence of a civil war she said is the same as the fight happening in the body the symptoms of illness she said was the excuses given to justify the evil that is the sickness. The strangest thing is it all made sense to me back then.