And through it all, she offers me protection (An angel in disguise)

Maybe I should have! I never take the flu shot and I never get sick with the flu. I hate it when someone else controls my injections, besides I do not know for sure if what I have is the flu. I have body aches accompanied by low-grade fever occasional cough that sounds horribly like a smoker’s cough but I have not smoked a day in my life. Well just the one time in Geneva, when I thought it would make me look older and get me into that cool club, I coughed so bad after my first puff the bouncer almost called an ambulance. The symptoms have been lingering for a month now some weeks are better than others are and just when I think I have gotten better it starts all over a gain. This past weeks was one of those “I thought I was all better” “maybe not”. I have not been to see a doctor because just when I say I will go I start to feel better and think it will be a waste of both of our time and money.
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My sister had an eye doctor’s appointment first thing in the morning we decided to run to the doctor’s office. Not as long a run as we do on Saturdays but it will do, about 1K into the run I looked at the time and told my sister to run ahead, she is the faster runner and we were running short on time. I rumbled through the route directions and watched as the gap between us widened, I slowed down a bit eavesdropping on these two ladies running just ahead of me till it was time to check my blood glucose. Slowing to a stop I reached into my pump pak and all I felt was my pump hmm… no meter, no glucose tab just my pump and the bolus I take to combat my Saturday morning run high. Panic sets in what to do? Run the 2.5K back home or the 2.5K to the eye doctor’s office, a flash of anger and defiant. I can clearly see it sitting on the counter. I took the roll of Dex4 tabs out of the pak to get to the meter so I could re-check my blood glucose just before walking out the door and left both vital to my life things behind.
Angry and tired with this whole lifestyle, knowing very well the anger will do nothing to help I kept running forward stupidly challenging diabetes as if I were a teenager testing my boundaries. I reached my destination thinking to myself how childish can you really be. My sensible personality was asking my teenage rebel one, it was still early and the pharmacy in the building was not yet open. I knew there was another pharmacy in the building across the street; I love that pharmacy because they have a dedicated area and counter for diabetes. So I made my way to that one I at least remembered to bring $5.00 to get water on our way back, I could at least get something I can use to treat a hypoglycaemia if I feel one coming on. I entered the store and went straight to the diabetes counter, I looked at the name badge pinned to the woman and it had the letters RN at the end my eyes filled with tears. I tried to fight the tears as I told her I left the house for a run without my meter or glucose tabs. What meter do you have strips at home for? She asked, I told her I do not have money to buy a new meter she smiled saying “don’t look so pitiful, you were out running that is a good thing” “How are you felling now” I told her I was feeling OK on signs of hypoglycaemia, when I said those words I could not control the tears.

She reached behind the counter and gave me a new meter told me to set it up while she gets me some strips. I tested in at 5.4mmol/l (97) she also gave me a roll of glucose tabs and filled out a promotional give away form. One of these days, I have to go back as the adult I am with a thank you card for her.

Forgive me father, for I am sick

I am sick and hating every minute of it, I feel like I have been run over by a truck my body aches and I have a fever. This is a vase improvement from the way I felt last week my body ached, touch made it worse and I was constantly having weird dreams.

One particular dream was about my insulin pump. I dreamt I was at a Diabetes Expo and there was a pump spa booth, I stopped at the booth for some TLC for pumcy. I thought it was the least I could do for such a hard working pump, the lady at the booth took pumcy through the pump spa routine and handed it over back to me. Although identical in every way, I could just tell that it was not pumcy, it did not feel like pumcy I started crying begging the lady to give me back my real pump. She tried consoling me while telling me that was my real pump, reasoning with me, “you were standing here the whole time watching me, that is your pump” But I knew it was not my beloved pumcy, basal rates and insulin to carb ratios were all the same but it still was not pumcy and I could not stop crying. I looked around to get someone to help but it did not look like an Expo anymore it was just the lady and I, I woke up anxiously reaching for my pump. Crazy huh!

I got up Saturday morning and went for a run; yes I did, while sick. Why? Because I needed to get out of the apartment and secondly walking would have taken too long and I just wanted to be back in bed as soon as possible. Lastly, I could hear my mom’s voice telling me “you need to get up and get some vigorous physical activity or you will never get better” These are words I heard growing up. Mom believes you are allowed a day or at most two days sick after which you need to get back to your normal level of activity this she use to tell me is the last piece of the healing process, it what your body needs to help the medication and nutrients kill what ills you. I am still not 100% and my body ache is now not intensifying by touch.

Typing this reminded me of the day my Mom explained her healing theory to me. I was in grade one, a month before my older brother and I had survived being caught in a cross fire of a violent coup d’état (mini civil war). Mom used the coup as an education moment each fraction representing either medication, nutrition or exercise together bring an outcome. The violence of a civil war she said is the same as the fight happening in the body the symptoms of illness she said was the excuses given to justify the evil that is the sickness. The strangest thing is it all made sense to me back then.